You just made me feel so damn special
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i think im in europe. pls send help
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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