he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
