I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize