considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
