Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
