can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
