I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
