I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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