I'll bet she douches with gravy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
