Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
