So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
being pregnant is like rehab
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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