I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
