No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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