Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
