you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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