party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
