Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
