i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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