my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
