Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize