The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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