Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
