I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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