i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
