She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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