you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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