it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
