you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeĀ
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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