If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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