the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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