You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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