Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
