we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
