I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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