She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
