she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Are my feet made of real feet?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
