Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
