Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
