she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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