so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
