So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
