She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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