Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize