two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
