I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Randomize
