She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
