sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
