Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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