oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
kristin has been a bad kristin
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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