My first STD was from a foam party
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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