I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
