either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
