Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Michael Bay diarrhea
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
