just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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