i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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