What did we do last night that was yellow?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
