We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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