i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Panties = found
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
