??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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