i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
