at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You have to summon your inner elephant
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
