So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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