Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
tonight lets celebrate not being married
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
