So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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