he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
