omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
