Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
