I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
