Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
