I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
