She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
