she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
