I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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