I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
