Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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