ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think i have two assholes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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